The Flying Car
by Virus
Summary: In a parody of Kevin Smith's short, Sam asks Freddie about how far he would be willing to go to get the flying car.


The Flying Car

Disclaimer: iCarly is owned by Nick. The original Flying Car is owned by Kevin Smith.

It became apparent that taking a road trip today wasn't a good idea, as Spencer had figured out. With him was his sister Carly and her friends Sam and Freddie, who were stuck in the back seat. The two were rather quite.

Sam decided to breaking the tension and talk to Freddie "Its times like this it occurs to me that we were lied to by The Jetsons." Freddie looked over to Sam in response "What are you talking about?" "According to that show we were supposed to be tooling around in flying cars by now. You see any flying cars lately? That's the problem with TV, it always lies to us." Freddie was quick to rebut her "Yeah, well most of us rational thinkers weren't banking on a cartoon to offer us a viable glimpse into the future of technological development."

Sam wasn't going to let it go "You don't think anyone anywhere is working on the flying car." "I could care less" Freddie said. "I gotta believe that there is somebody else out there is  
thinking about the flying car besides me. Someone who is not afraid to throw their hats over the wall for the good of mankind." Freddie was puzzled "What's that suppose to mean?" "Throw their hats over the wall. It means committing to doing something. If more people threw their hats over the wall, we wouldn't be sitting here in this mess right now. We would be zooming over it in the flying car."

"I see you have given this alot of thought."

Oddly enough, Sam actually had a decent argument "Kennedy, all right JFK himself. When he was in office, he stood before the world and promised them a man on the moon within 10 years. Thing is nobody had started working on a space program at that point. JFK had no data to back up his claims, no inside into the practicality of space travel. But you know what he had?"

"Marilyn Monroe."

"The man had sac. The man had the sac to stand before the  
world and say "Yo, yo get this we're going to the moon." Imagine, if  
you and I were the kind of guys who had the sac to stand before the  
world and say "Get this we'll all be in the flying car by the end of the  
year."

"Do you know you have a one track mind?"

Sam was quit for a minute or so before she had more to add about the flying car "Hey, what would you be willing to trade for the flying car"?

"What do you mean?"

"Say some German scientist comes up to you and he says "I  
have invented the flying car. I'll give it to you on one condition.""

Freddie was willing to play along "Well, what's the condition?"

"He's not going to tell you."

"Then it's no deal."

"The guy is offering you the flying car."

"Yeah, but there is obviously a catch."

"Who cares what the catch is, it's the flying car. You'll have the  
only one in the world."

Freddie did have a question "And why is this... German scientist"

" Ya, vol."

"Why is he offering it to me for free instead of the car  
companies instead?"

"What is this "Law and Order"? Who cares what's behind  
the mystery. You going to look a gift horse in the mouth? Just take the  
car man."

"Not until I know what the catch is."

Sam caved "Fine, the catch is you got to cut off a foot."

"No way."

"Are you saying you wouldn't cut off your foot for the flying car?  
You're that selfish."

"It's my foot! How am I supposed to walk?"

"What walk? You'll have the flying car. Good God, you could  
sell the design and engineering secrets to the car companies and be  
a multibillionaire. After that you could buy like 50 prosthetic feet."

Freddie couldn't argue with the logic, no matter how weird "Which foot, right or left?"

"You're choice."

"Ok, I'll trade my left foot for the flying car."

"Why your left foot?"

"Oh, it's got an ingrown toenail."

"Listen to you. A guy offers you the Fire from Olympus that is  
the flying car and you trade him a bum foot."

"You said I could pick."

Sam look satisfied that Freddie was agreeing "So it's a deal then, your foot for the flying car. You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"You can't welch."

"I won't welch."

"Because the whole world is counting on you."

That sent Freddie a red flag "Why the whole world all of a sudden?"

"Because the German scientist held a press conference  
when he made you the offer. He told the world media once the trade  
is made. You can do whatever you want with the flying car. Including  
mass marketing an affordable model for consumer purchase" Sam explained.

"What the hell kind of scientist is this guy anyways?"

"One with a lot of free time on his hands and a foot fetish. So  
are you in? You're going to do the right thing here?"

"Yes."

"So it's a deal."

"Yes."

Though Freddie thought that was the end of it, Sam had more to tell "Ok, so then what happens is you find out the guy is going to take your foot off with a hacksaw."

"What?"

"And no atheistic."

"Aww, screw that!"

"Come on its part of the deal."

"You didn't say that before!"

"Well, you should of paid a lawyer look over the contract. But  
come on, it only hurts when they're taking the foot off. After that they'll  
use a local on your stump and cauterize the wound" Sam explained.

"Well why can't I have a local before he cuts it off?" asked Freddie.

"Because, he is a sick degenerate that likes to inflict pain."

"You said he was a man of science!"

"You don't think Einstein didn't like hacking guys feet off but,  
nobody ever said anything about it because he was one of the great  
thinkers of our time. But come on man. Take a hit for the team. It's a  
few seconds of pain for a lifetime of riches and zero traffic."

Freddie thought Sam was nuts, but against his better judgment, kept it going "Fine, as long as I get the local as soon as he is done cutting"

"So you want the local?"

"Who am I, The Marquis De Sade? Yes, I want the local."

"All right" Sam said with a "That's your choose" sound.

"Why do you say it like that for?"

"It's just the local he gives you, knocks you out and when you're  
out he diddles you pennie."

"Oh, come on!"

"Hey man, you made the deal."

"To trade my foot for the flying car, not to be tortured and  
molested by some mad German scientist."

"And his friends."

"What?"

"It's just when he is done with you he gives his friends a shot  
at you too."

"Deals off."

"What are you some kind of homophobe?"

"No, I just don't want to be diddled by some insane German  
scientist and his friends after they've hacked my foot off."

"Need I remind you, this is for the flying car!"

"It ain't worth it."

Then Sam gave an impassioned speech. One that made one think how it was possible for her to be failing English "See, you're what's wrong with this country, hell with this world. You're always thinking about your own comfort level. Never thinking about the rest of us. This country was built on sacrifice and nearly 30 years of living a life full of selfish foot pampering and intergender intercourse has made you too soft to throw your hat over the wall for the good of mankind. And what's worse is, not only do you ruin it for the rest of us with the flying car, but you completely blow the notion of American nobility in the process. The children of the world have no heroic figure to emulate. So the future of mankind continues on it's downward spiral into entropy and mass extinction until all that was once great about the human race lies buried in the primordial stew to which we'll most certainly return. Thanks to you and ill refusal to reach for the stars and you'll forever be remembered as the sad footnote in the book of life. The wimpy little scumbag who could of breached the chasm of becoming and being. But instead opted to  
cover his own ass and foot in the process.

Freddie had finally had enough "All right! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German scientist hack my foot off. Then him and his friends can have their  
way with me. All for the flying car."

Sam went quite for a second before looking back at Freddie "You would do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car. I thought I knew you man."

Freddie was flabbergasted while Carly and Spencer just lowered shook their heads.


End file.
